by Leigh Ann Dilley on January 24, 2025
Recently, the staff at Timberline Church was encouraged to write their testimony. This is something I’ve done many times for different events. It doesn’t change much, but each time I reflect on it, there are always aspects to tweak depending on life experience, the audience, or a specific theme.
During this most recent review, I noticed something resonating in my story. I began to see the pattern of continual calls into a deeper relationship with Jesus, requiring greater dependence and trust in Him.
It all started when I was about 8 years old. I accepted Christ as my Savior, but honestly, what I remember most about this moment is that it seemed like a good decision to follow Jesus. In hindsight, my relationship with Christ remained in my head for decades. There was no level of dependence or intimacy with Jesus. I did all the Christian things: went to church, celebrated Christian holidays and milestones, and had Christian friends. I didn’t read the Bible, and I would remember to pray only after circumstances got so bad that I didn’t know what else to do. You see, although I was raised in a Christian home, I developed a “performance” mentality. Most of my life experiences had taught me that hard work was rewarded.
Thank goodness we serve a God who pursues us! After working hard and focusing on the things I wanted in life for a couple of decades, I found myself struggling with miscarriages. It’s one of the first times I remember sensing, “I have no control over this.” Luckily, though, I knew who to turn to. Out of desperation, I surrendered my fate to God and asked for His comfort and strength. I literally prayed, “Your will be done.” God was merciful and granted me this child. Her name means “God is willing.” This answered prayer taught me that God was drawing me into a personal relationship. I never knew that was possible before. The moment I understood this, I sensed His very presence right beside me. In addition, I sensed His approval that I had finally received His message: I am His child, and He is my God.
The next life-changing moment came when I entered ministry for women. I had been working with women for about a decade and loved it! I began to sense that God was preparing me for something, but I didn’t know what. I started to ask God questions about where He was taking me. Shortly after this, I visited Timberline Church, where I heard God challenge me to love Him without restraints. Again, He was pulling me out of self-dependency and into a deeper relationship. It was a powerful moment for me! The next week, I saw the opening for the Women’s Ministry Director position.
Since then, the Spirit inside me has been consistently fed and challenged. Growth does not always come easily or comfortably, but God is with us through all of it. He validates our growth and speaks to us in numerous ways if we are paying attention.
Currently, I am walking through the toughest season of my life. I would love to tell you the conclusion of this story; however, He has not revealed it to me yet! What He has revealed to me is that He is my hope, and I do not have to be a product of my circumstances. He is my Holy Father, and I am safe to live dependent upon Him. In fact, I am learning that the only place I want to be is wherever He wants me. I do not have to be perfect, but I need to know Jesus intimately.
Several Bible verses have given me hope during this difficult season. Here are some of my favorites:
Romans 15:13: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
Isaiah 30:18: “So the Lord must wait for you to come to Him so He can show you His love and compassion. For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for His help.”
Psalm 116:1–2: “I love the Lord because He hears my voice and my prayer for mercy. Because He bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!”
I encourage anyone reading this to look for the experiences in your life where Jesus may have been calling you into a deeper relationship with Him, which includes living dependent upon Him. How will you respond?
